Review: X
Published 2019-07-02 natively
X. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a torrent for a movie with only one letter? And without a shitty dub?
Then everything is completely incomprehensible but very profound for about five minutes. I'm sure it's one of those 2deep4u deals nips used to love, but fuck me if I'm reading a 30 volume manga to understand a 90 minute movie.
There's a dude and he really fuckin' likes capes and has a serious Oedipus complex. Apparently there's also Agent Smith and a dude in a dress, and both of them are apparently dragons and all three have the same haircut. The latter two dragon-shout at each other and play dragon-footsie, which is all very serious and also the apocalypse so basically Tokyo's going to get fucked. The only hope for the world is our protagonist, the phantom of the oper- I mean Kamui, the man with the world's longest legs. While wearing a purple cape over a jacket with red trim may be an unforgivable crime, it seems that he alone can save the world from laser dragons.
Soon after, it is revealed that all the dragons are also magical humans who all want to get in a gangbang over the protagonist, and then set about fighting each-other in typical shounen fashion. Interspersed with a lot of inter-dimensional bullshit, which is sometimes pretty. But mostly just bullshit that pads out the actual plot. Which basically boils down to Oediprotag having a twin brother who'll do the opposite of what he does, creating the predictable escalation in dramatic tension, despite the amount of future-fucking going on. That tension is apparently both of them want to fuck their blonde sister, but think the other will kill her first, which is apparently sufficient bait for them to engage in the laser-dragon infighting. Which doesn't begin in earnest until nearly an hour in, because fuck you.
Salaryman-dragon and prostitute-dragon square up against water-dragon and laundry-dragon, and basically everyone gets yeeted. Nobody gives a fuck because prophecy or something. They all fight individually because dragons are apparently morons. All the good-dragons make geometric dimensional shields that don't do shit when they get yeeted, because good-guy reasons.
When the protagonist and shadow-protagonist finally get at each-other, everything gets very Freudian. And everything else stops making any sense; everybody dies and I don't care. Fuck all of these dragon fucks. How many fucking volumes would I have to sit through to care about such trivial deaths? Prophecy is narrative niggerism.
It's unbearably cliche, even for its time period. Despite sufficient visuals, the writing is both overwrought and redundant. It's typical of the failures of shounen as a genre, made worse by its attempted condensing of a late-stage serialized narrative into a film. Watch it on 1.5x speed if you watch it at all.
Also, apparently they made an animated series later, telling the exact same story. If you're the kind of motherfucker who'll get off to the same event that you were told constantly about happening, you might enjoy those. Enjoy getting baited into liking characters who are obligated to die because reasons. Narrative NTR bullshit.
HH.
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